Chloe Sevingy as Amy in the movie “If These Walls Could Talk 2”

I call myself greysexual. Not because of the common “rarely experience attraction” description, though. I’ve never been sexually attracted to anyone at all. However, certain people/types of people I do wish to engage in that type of stuff with. So, I’m open to sex, with certain people. But no attraction. I suppose in this regard I could call myself asexual, but I feel greysexual is more accurate.

I discovered my asexuality a year after we were married, four years after we started dating. I was so afraid he would leave me, hate me for lying to him. It was tough at first, but we discovered what could work for both of us. Every once in a while I worry about how happy he could be with me, but it passes when I think about great the past two years have been.

Please do not lose hope. If you want a loving relationship, you can and will find it. You deserve someone who loves you completely. They’re out there, I know it.

I’m a very lucky person, and I thank whatever is watching over me for that all the time. I’m demisexual, with some extreme closeness issues. It takes me months, sometimes years to get close enough to a person to even begin to feel like I could be attracted to them. Yet, somehow, I’ve ended up in a long-term relationship with someone whom I love very dearly. We’ve been together for a year and a half now, and I’ve known him for going on eight years. He’s aware of and supports my ace-ness. On top of that (as though it weren’t enough) I have a very dear friend who is asexual. As someone who has had many bad experiences with close female friends inexplicably going sexual in all the ways I’m not interested in, my relationship with my ace friend is just as dear and valuable to me as the one with my boyfriend. I just wanted to post this for all the aces out there who think this kind of thing is impossible. It can happen—it’s rare, but it can happen.

I’m proud of being an aromantic asexual, no matter how hard it might be sometimes.

Last semester, I took a Queer&Disability Studies class, knowing that asexuality probably wouldn’t be included. It wasn’t, but luckily, I had a teacher who was supportive and inclusive of the ace identity, and I feel like I helped her and the whole class be a little more open and accepting towards other sexualities and romantic orientations.

That class was also the first time I was able to stand up and say, without hesitating, out loud, that I was a proud aromantic asexual. 

[Image: A faded black-and-white picture of two arms reaching out to hold hands. In the background, the out-of-focus legs of a third person facing away from the camera. Text: “I wish I could train myself to be sexual, because I’m pretty sure no one’s ever going to love me the way I am. (I’ve tried before. It didn’t go well.)”]

An asexual flag with the words, “I’m scared to come out to you, because each of my last three partners took it badly.”

[Image: Asexual flag. Text: I am a cis female. I’ve known for a while that I like girls. I’m not sure if I like boys too. But what I really don’t know is if I want to sleep with anyone. I don’t know if I’m asexual, of if I’m afraid that I won’t be good at having sex; of that anyone will be sexually attracted to me because I’m not confident with my body.]

[Pic: an unmade bed. caption:”I’m asexual and aromantic, but I experience physical attraction.  This means that I can look at attractive people and want to make out with them, but not have sex.  I feel like I’m really going to disappoint someone someday. 

Picture: person watching northern lights

text: I’m never going to need you as much as you need me. I’m scared you won’t can’t understand that.

I’m an aro-ace and I’m dating my best friend. He wanted more from me than friendship and I agreed so I wouldn’t lose him, but now I’m afraid I can’t give him what he wants and I’ll lose him anyway.

“Will you accept me for who I am…Because my heart is fragil…because my last love hurt my heart…because I am asexual…because I feel empty…beause my heart is broken…because I feel unsure of myself…because he wanted me to be somone I am not…because he left me for someone else…because I am scared…because I think I love you…Because I am giving YOU my heart…”

[Trigger/Content Warning: Discussion of sex]

The best sex I have ever had was due primarily to the fact that I came out as ace to the person before hand, and had an in-depth discussion with them about what it meant for me and how it affected my sexual experience. As a result, I didn’t feel like I was lying to them, and I didn’t feel like I had to put on any kind of show to get them off or make them feel secure in their performance. It was immensely psychologically liberating—the act/physical aspect was more or less the same as it always has been, but what I got from it emotionally/mentally was unforgettable.