Anonymous asked: Is it possible to be bi-romantic and asexual? Also does being aesthetically attracted to someone, but not sexually mean you're not asexual?
Of course! Despite not experiencing sexual attraction to any gender, many asexuals still experience “romantic attraction” and have a “romantic orientation”; some romantic asexuals identify as bi, hetero, homo or pan-romantic to reflect the gender(s) they find themselves romantically attracted to.
Asexuality is defined as not experiencing sexual attraction, though that does not mean asexuals (both romantic and aromantic alike) cannot appreciate good-looks in others or be attracted to someone based on their appearance, or even find someone “sexy”. This also applies to people of other sexual orientations - a straight person may find a member of the same gender aesthetically attractive (maybe incredibly so!), but that does not mean they are sexually attracted to them.
Anonymous asked: I'm not sure what I am sexuality-wise. I experience romantic attraction toward both sexes, only in a kind of close friend way. The idea of sex and kissing and stuff, frankly repulses me. I'm 15 and I know a lot of people my age who have sex, or have had sex at an even younger age than me. I told my mum that I thought I was asexual and she was just like 'you're too young to know how you feel' but I don't think I'm too young at all, I feel I'm pretty mature in all other areas. What do you reckon?
A possible reason parents use the “you’re too young to know” line may be because they aren’t ready to accept that their child is growing up and exploring their sexuality. Another reason may be that they fear their child being “different” or ending up “alone” and so wish to convince their child (or themselves) that they are too young to know their sexual identity.
We all discover our sexuality at different points in our lives. Just because someone begins having sex at a younger age doesn’t necessarily mean they are confident of their sexual identity; by a similar token, just because someone does not have sex (or holds off having sex) doesn’t mean they can’t be sure of theirs.
Although it is true some people develop sexually later than others, if you are confident in your identity then do not let anyone tell you you cannot know. If at some point in the future you come to the conclusion you aren’t asexual then that’s fine, it’s all part of the process of understanding who you are.
My advice on how to handle the “you’re too young” excuse is to acknowledge the idea that your identity may change as you get older but at this moment in time this is how you identity and it would be appreciated if that were respected.
Anonymous asked: I'm not proud to be asexual. I've come out to very few individuals, and I don't feel good about myself. I feel like a freak. Sometimes I wish I just wanted to one day have sex just si people wouldn't see me like some freak of nature. I've had more than crushes, I've fallen in love once. But not even that could distract me from the fact that I am asexual. It's a struggle, and I don't know how to explain myself or even understand myself.
I am sorry you are struggling with your asexuality. Being part of a minority group can be an isolating experience and can often leave you feeling that you are broken, abnormal or a “freak”. But you are not alone. You are part of an ever growing community and there are people out there to support you and make you feel less alone. There are people out there just like you and know exactly what you are going though. You’re not a freak, you’re ace.
Chloe Sevingy as Amy in the movie “If These Walls Could Talk 2”
pfdiva asked: To the ace who wants to lie: I've had issues with acceptance. Actually, one of the lesbians at my LGBT group told me, "Noone's discriminating against people like you for all the sex you're NOT having." That's the only issue I've had, and I know I've been lucky, but the rest of my LGBT group, they're actually taking steps to teach the school about us, so even though there ARE issues, there are also people trying to help us out and stand with us. So please take heart.
I call myself greysexual. Not because of the common “rarely experience attraction” description, though. I’ve never been sexually attracted to anyone at all. However, certain people/types of people I do wish to engage in that type of stuff with. So, I’m open to sex, with certain people. But no attraction. I suppose in this regard I could call myself asexual, but I feel greysexual is more accurate.
Anonymous asked: I feel like I want to lie to everyone and just say I'm straight to avoid any issues. That way there's no explaining, no confusion, no strange looks. It'd be so much easier. People respect every other sexual group, so why not this one? I'm wondering if any other aces out there are having issues with acceptance from others?
Being a member of any sexual minority can be though, anyone who doesn’t fit the mainstream is likely to experience ignorance and a sense of isolation. I know it’s though but don’t feel like you have to hide yourself away (though of course only be open if you are comfortable to do so). Unfortunately true acceptance takes time (a very long time), but the more open and visible we are the sooner that acceptance will come and the easier we make it for younger aces and future generations.
sadowray asked: Hello. I don't really know my sexuality and after looking through your blog i thought that maybe you could give me some direction maybe. I have dated a few guys but I was never actually comfortable being around them and i thought that there was something wrong with me. I dated a girl who i really like and i was finally comfortable so I thought i was either gay or bisexual but whenever sex comes to mind i'm not interested but I'm curious about it and i get confused. I hope you understand this.
Asexuality is characterised by no experiencing sexual attraction. Since asexuals do not find anyone sexually attractive they usually express a disinterest in sex. Despite not experiencing sexual attraction some asexuals still experience romantic attraction and desire relationships (many asexuals have romantic orientations, where they may be romantically attracted to one gender exclusively or multiple genders. Some asexuals do not experience romantic attraction (aromantic) and prefer more platonic relationships.
Even though asexuals do not experience sexual attraction, some are still curious about sex (which may lead them to experiment) and some are sexually active. Some asexuals have sex as part of their relationship with a sexual partner, whereas others may simply enjoy certain aspects of sexual activity.
If you want to find out more about asexuality I suggest checking out the Aven Introductory pages and FAQ and the Aven Forum and the asexuality Wiki page for some good, introductory information (if you haven’t done so already!) :)
Anonymous asked: I know I'm Asexual but I don't know if I'm heteroromantic or panromantic. In the past I have only ever liked (2) guys (I'm a girl) but I feel like I could have the potential to love anyone. And I'm pretty sure if my boyfriend was to become a girl I would still love him because I love him for him and he would still be the same person inside - does this make me panromantic, or hetero since I've only ever actually liked guys?
If you feel that you could love anyone, regardless of their gender, and you believe that the term “panromantic” better describes yourself, then use it. Sometimes people instinctively know they are capable of being romantically/sexually attracted to particular gender without having experienced that attraction before.
Anonymous asked: Ever since I started learning about asexuality I felt like I could identify with the general idea, and it certainly seems to fit my life. But I am so, SO confused. I have no idea in which part of the spectrum I am... of even if I'm ace at all or just repulsed. Could you please explain me the difference between sexual and sensual attraction? I feel like that would help.
With sexual attraction it is the object of that attraction that is key. If you are sexually attracted to someone you may wish to engage with them sexually – what is important to remember is that sexual attraction is not simply a desire for sexual activity (which is sexual desire), it is a desire to be sexual with the person you find attractive specifically.
Sensual attraction may lead you to desire to be physically intimate with someone (this may be someone you are romantically and or physically/ aesthetically attracted to), but this desire may not be based on sexual attraction – it may be driven by a desire for physical intimacy for its own sake, or as a means of expressing your love/affection for someone.
Hope that helps!
I discovered my asexuality a year after we were married, four years after we started dating. I was so afraid he would leave me, hate me for lying to him. It was tough at first, but we discovered what could work for both of us. Every once in a while I worry about how happy he could be with me, but it passes when I think about great the past two years have been.
Please do not lose hope. If you want a loving relationship, you can and will find it. You deserve someone who loves you completely. They’re out there, I know it.
I’m a very lucky person, and I thank whatever is watching over me for that all the time. I’m demisexual, with some extreme closeness issues. It takes me months, sometimes years to get close enough to a person to even begin to feel like I could be attracted to them. Yet, somehow, I’ve ended up in a long-term relationship with someone whom I love very dearly. We’ve been together for a year and a half now, and I’ve known him for going on eight years. He’s aware of and supports my ace-ness. On top of that (as though it weren’t enough) I have a very dear friend who is asexual. As someone who has had many bad experiences with close female friends inexplicably going sexual in all the ways I’m not interested in, my relationship with my ace friend is just as dear and valuable to me as the one with my boyfriend. I just wanted to post this for all the aces out there who think this kind of thing is impossible. It can happen—it’s rare, but it can happen.
I’m proud of being an aromantic asexual, no matter how hard it might be sometimes.
Last semester, I took a Queer&Disability Studies class, knowing that asexuality probably wouldn’t be included. It wasn’t, but luckily, I had a teacher who was supportive and inclusive of the ace identity, and I feel like I helped her and the whole class be a little more open and accepting towards other sexualities and romantic orientations.
That class was also the first time I was able to stand up and say, without hesitating, out loud, that I was a proud aromantic asexual.