Has anyone got some advice for me? I’m going to break up with my boyfriend tomorrow. Because of my asexuality. And I don’t feel anything for him really. But he’s sweet but really kind of a smart-aleck…. and thinks he knows everything cause he’s really smart… which is true… but im his first girlfriend idk if I should tell him im ace or not… cause he will either act like he knows about it or protest… so any help? ANYTHING is welcome.

My boyfriend and I (both ace) have been in long distance mode for almost a year now. We’ve seen each other in person once since then, in December, and we’re finally going on vacation together tomorrow! I was so excited, I needed to share it with someone. We’ve got so much cuddling to catch up on it’s not even funny.
To those past ace secrets submitters who have expressed fears over never being able to find someone who will love you even though you won’t ‘put out’… don’t lose hope. There are others like you out there looking for the same type of relationship :)

I’ve come to accept what I classify as ”romantic attraction” for myself- constant thinking about person, nervous, giddy feeling around them, wanting to spend more time with them, etc.
But sexal attraction is harder, and until I can agree on what I think it could mean for me, I could be potentially any orientations at once.
I’m inclined to believe I’m asexual, or leaning that way. There’s not a lot that makes me more willing to get with one person over another: I tend to prefer people I get along with well, or fantasy characters I can shape to be reasonable people, but that’s more a moral motion then anything else. For me, the act itself isn’t anything to do with love or interpersonal connection either, it’s just a release. They people in my (highly frequent) fantasies are little more than objects really, I mean this in a truly honest (not predatory) way.There’s a level of indifference there.
I’m not sure. I think I have a few things in common with libidoist asexuals, I would even call myself one if it seemed right.
But I don’t know

Sometimes I think I’m not really asexual, but instead I really have something wrong with me. I don’t feel emotions like most people do and I don’t like it. I pretend so no one knows. The rare times I do feel something it tends to be about a fictional character and that just makes everything worse. I don’t know what to do with the fact that I feel more about people who aren’t real than about those that are. I’ve cried over them and I didn’t even cry when any of my grandparents died. I may not have been close to them, but I couldn’t even pretend to be sad because I felt so apathetic. What’s wrong with me?

I’m not sure if I’m heteroromaitnc or aromantic, but I hope desperately that it’s the former. I don’t want to have to explain to anyone that what I think I really want is a platonic life partner, not a romantic one. I keep telling myself that I haven’t met the right person yet, but all too often that feels like a lie and I wish it didn’t.

I am so scared of coming out as asexual, I can’t make myself reblog some of these secrets—no matter how much they resonate with me. What if I’m never brave enough?

I have no hope for the rest of my life.

I’m only passionate about art and writing.

I’m going to be a teacher someday, and an artist on the side.

Probably a Catholic school teacher, as I’ve always wanted to teach at the school I was educated in.

So I’ll be broke already. Unable to support myself.

I can’t take a lot of other jobs because I have Cold Urticaria: allergic reactions to cold temperatures. (hives, swelling, itching, possible death, etc.)

That also rules out being a hobo, I guess.

I can’t really marry someone with a real job, either.

I’m a heteroromantic asexual.

Why would someone want to marry a girl who won’t be having sex?

I don’t fit in with the Church I was raised in: Catholicism.

I have my own beliefs.

I was a gymnast for nine years. That is now, and forever more, causing/going to cause medical problems (messed up back, hips, knees, wrists, ankles, etc.) for me that I won’t be able to pay for.

My parents aren’t going to want to support me forever.

And I’m not even in college yet.

How can my life be over before it’s really even started? 

I’ve known there was something different about me since… well, probably eighth grade. At least, eighth grade is where I came up with my own personal description for it.

I always wondered if maybe I was a lesbian because I didn’t find guys attractive. But I didn’t find girls attractive, either.

In my head, I created the description “not liking boys, and not liking girls. Not liking ANYONE.”

I thought I was crazy, hormones just hadn’t kicked in yet, I was a late bloomer, I was a lesbian but didn’t understand it, etc.

This is what my mind came up with, considering my Catholic school upbringing and the fact that I had only been educated about straight and the hush-hush-don’t-say-it-or-you’ll-go-to-Hell “gay community.”

Freshy year I got my first phone, which meant unrestricted internet access. And I discovered the different sexual orientations. Or at least, bi and pan. I ignored/forgot about my own orientation. At the end of freshy year I got my first boyfriend: an awesome, funny, nerdy friend who I convinced myself I liked.

Maybe it didn’t help that my friends were pressuring me and that I was trying to convince myself I was straight, not gay.

I felt trapped in that relationship. And it wasn’t until this year, sophomore year, that I googled my orientation.

I identify as a heteroromantic asexual.

I came out to one friend recently, seeking advice for how to deal with the boyfriend situation. I didn’t want to hurt him.

The friend is the only one I can trust, and she was very… accepting. But she says she doesn’t get how someone can be that way, which I accept in return.

I thought it was all good until she told me she was jealous of me, the other day. Jealous I don’t have to deal with lust.

Now I have to figure out how to come out to my parents.

Nobody will believe what I’ve known for years.

“You’re too young to know that,” they’ll say.

I don’t think I can deal with this anymore.

As much as I hate saying it, and as much as I love my asexuality, sometimes I just wish I were sexual.

All I really want is to be like them.

To fit in.

Picture of a lone blue dog staring at a tree: I am asexual. And I am constantly hounded by the fear that no one will ever love me enough to want to stay with me if I am not willing to sleep with them. I’m really lonely.

To the anon who isn’t sure they’re asexual because they’re into BDSM (at least submissiveness). I’m the same, it’s mostly because being kinky is separate from being asexual.

You can also find, as an asexual, that you’re willing to engage in sex in certain circumstances and relationships.

There are groups on FetLife that focus on that. :)

I made myself an anklet with the ace flag colors and I tied it so I couldn’t slip it off. I’ve come to terms with my sexuality (grey-ace) and I feel at ease and overall much better knowing it’s who I am and it just fits. I feel like maybe making some more anklets or bracelets of the pride flags some day.

I’m not sure anymore if I’m really asexual. I have submissive tendencies like whoa and I think if I found the right person as a dom I’d be able to WANT and HAVE sex like all the ‘normal’ people do. If that person just expected it of me along with everything else they expected of me, I could do it. But when it’s just me, I couldn’t be more repulsed by the idea of sex with another person.

Message sent by Solrosan:

“I don’t know where you stand on this sort of thing, but for the last secret I just came to think about this asexy fanmix someone made for asexy april:

http://asexy-april.tumblr.com/post/47711074743/a-sassing-creed-these-are-the-things-i-can-do

I don’t know if there’s any possibility to pass it along :)
— solrosan”

Thanks Solrosan!

I’m not sure anymore if I’m really asexual. I have submissive tendencies like whoa and I think if I found the right person as a dom I’d be able to WANT and HAVE sex like all the ‘normal’ people do. If that person just expected it of me along with everything else they expected of me, I could do it. But when it’s just me, I couldn’t be more repulsed by the idea of sex with another person.

My parents are somewhat traditional, so they’re still holding out hope that eventually I’ll find my missing sexuality, get a boyfriend and married and achieve good old fashioned marital bliss. I know I’m living in a modern, Western society where being single and doing your own thing is fine but their opinions are still important to me. Every time I talk to them about it the conversation goes something like this:

“nope I’m still not attracted to anyone, mom”

“then try harder or something”

“um, what?”

“just don’t give up! let me list ten different practical reasons why finding a husband will make your life easier when you’re older”

The one thing that sticks to me is that I’ll probably be lonely in old age which sounds terrible. I’ve never been very social and friends are no substitute for family for me. I can’t reasonably expect to get lifelong companionship from a person when I don’t want sex or romance - so I’ll be an old cat lady someday. Great.