[I’d like a background image, but I don’t know what :( ]
I thought I was a straight male. Thought.
I now know that I’m asexual (sex repulsed). And I think I’m biromantic.
But, while I might let a girl have sex with me, I don’t think I’d ever let a guy.
Does that make me a homophobe??
[I’d like a background image, but I don’t know what :( ]
I read the Fifty Shades of Grey series in hopes that is would reveal some hidden heterosexuality in me. Or some reaction of repugnance that would turn me towards women. All that happened was me being bewildered and amused at the strangeness of the many sex scenes.
I used to be heterosexual, but I have been asexual for some time now. I worry that people I care about won’t believe me when I come out to them. Half of the people I’ve told haven’t.
It’s not a phase.
[Background: Asexual four-colour flag]
I’m pretty sure I’m Ace/Aro. Most of the time, I’m pretty sure I have never been sexually or romantically attracted to anyone. However, I’m also pretty a-social. My childhood was a bit messed up - not massively, but my low self-esteem, distrust of people to the extent that I have a negative physical reaction to being complimented and the fact that my main coping mechanism to any negative social interaction is to leave means that I find it really difficult to form social relationships with people - especially offline. This has got me wondering - what if I have actually experienced attraction to people, but have just repressed it so far down inside me that I don’t remember it? I don’t interact with people enough to have had a chance for it to happen often or strongly, statistically speaking, and I can’t honestly thing of a way to disprove that that’s what’s been happening, and it makes me feel more like shit than usual.
I realized I was asexual yesterday. I’m in my mid twenties, I’ve had sex and relationships before and I began to identify as polyamorous at the beginning of this year, hoping it might resolve some of my ongoing problems with relationships. Polyamory actually did help me; the partners I meant were generally more accommodating (for understandable reasons) for the weeks or months were I had no interest in being intimate or even romantic.
It’s kind of funny how I can write this all very plainly, but didn’t realize or identify as an asexual or aromantic (or somewhere on those spectrums) before. I think I just didn’t genuinely recognize that, even though I don’t dislike sex, I… actually don’t even know what sexual attraction is. I read other descriptions of it and could only compare it to my aesthetic attraction to people, or the desire to be close or intimate with them in a sensual or platonic way.
So, hi, I’m a new asexual, possibly also a demi femme romantic? It’s actually a lot scarier to me than when I realize I was queer, but it’s still new, and I’m really grateful for resources like that.
[image: still from Panic! at the Disco’s Girls/Girls/Boys video depicting Brendon Urie, naked from the waist up. Text: “I’m asexual.” ”But… I’m also hella attracted to Brendon Urie.” In smaller text: “He’d be such a great fuck.”]
I’ve had sex a few times before, and it felt good, so it’s not like I have no sex drive whatsoever. I’ve never ever felt attracted to another human being though. While girls were having crushes on boys in elementary school and middle school i was always the odd one out for just plain not liking anybody. I hate to have to be such a stereotype, but my asexuality is partially due to how big of a misanthropist I am. What gets me really angry is how many people tell me that it’s impossible for me to be asexual, that only animals can be asexual blah blah blah. I hate that some people don’t understand that I just really don’t like people at all. It’s really agitating to hear people say that “i just haven’t met the right person yet” or “I’ll find someone I like someday”. Why are people so closed minded .___.
The first time I read about asexuality I immediately felt like I understood that feeling of not desiring anyone, but then I realized I did find people attractive sometimes, so I let it slip out of my mind. Years later a friend was explaining all the variables and sexual spectrum how it wasn’t black and white like we are taught; that’s when I looked it up again. Once I found demisexuality I knew I had a place, I had a name for my feelings. And it felt good. I’ve always been comfortable with “whatever it is is how it is” but it’s also nice to know I’m not alone and have something I can talk about to with others. It also helped me understand why I would be attracted to people of the same sex as myself, but only when I felt closer to them than anyone else, which is the same as the opposite gender. This had confused me before, but now I get it. I’m happy to be me, and I hope that all of you are happy to be you.
I was identifying as asexual for a while because I always felt so repulsed by kissing and sexual things, but when I met my last (and my first) boyfriend I didn’t seem to have that much of an issue. Now that I’m single again, I don’t feel interested in sex with other people and I don’t know how things will be if I meet someone else. I don’t even know how aces structure the progression of a non-sexual relationship. I wish it were as easy as being asexual or being normal.
I’ve only dated a couple of times in my life, but every time it got sexual I always felt beyond uncomfortable. Each time it happened I never got into it, and it was always either unenjoyable or just downright painful for me because of that. I never said anything because I was afraid that I would get dumped for being a prude. I felt so disgusted with myself that I couldn’t enjoy what my significant other was enjoying that I actually ended my last relationship because I thought I wasn’t good enough. I thought there was something wrong with me for a long time, and I guess I kind of still do. The asexual spectrum is a whole new thing for me, I was never taught about it in school and no one ever brought it up. I’m really happy that there’s actually a term for what I’m feeling and that there are other people like me. I do want to be in a relationship and to love and be loved but I’m afraid I won’t ever be able to have that. My biggest fear is that I’ll fall in love with someone who won’t accept the fact that I won’t be sexually attracted to them and that’s making it really difficult for me to accept myself. I still haven’t told a single person about my newfound sexuality, in fact this is the first time I’m sort of admitting it to other people. I don’t want people to think that I’m making this up for attention or that I’m broken somehow or that I just can’t get sex because I’m too ugly. I don’t know. I am relieved that I’ve found places like this so I can learn more about asexuality but I’m also just really nervous about telling people and I don’t know how to feel about all of this.
I’m asexual — it’s a fact that I’ve come to realize about myself in terms of how I identify my sexuality. There are some days when I love it; days where I’m proud to be asexual. But…then there are other days where I just hate it so much. Days where I want to be intimate with my husband or something, and yet I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m not going to force myself to do anything sexual, nor would he, but…it’s just hard. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t asexual so I could do more things like that. I should be proud of who I am and how I identify, but it’s really hard when I have conflicting feelings like this. I don’t know what to do or how to love myself the way that I should, and I just wish it were easier.
Having met you all those years ago. I don’t think I would’ve realized that it’s perfectly okay to not experience any sexual attraction otherwise; the word “demisexual” had never been presented as an option in health class.
Too bad you’ve spoiled me for what I tend to look for in a potential partner. Not a day goes by when the thought of what could have been crosses my mind. I see your face in the faces of everyone I meet. Whenever I listen to David Bowie, I can’t help but smile and think back.
Still, I’m grateful. Pushing my boundaries of who I am is enough. Thanks. :P
"You’re asexual, so you don’t understand how people can feel that way about each other.” - said the girl I already felt that way about.
I may be aromantic and asexual, but that doesn’t mean I can’t fall in love. That doesn’t mean I don’t know what if feels like when the person I love doesn’t love me the same way. That doesn’t mean I didn’t die a little inside when you fell in love with someone else the same way I loved you, and moved so far away with them, I’ll probably never see you again.
Just because I’m asexual, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when you were still my best friend, but I was no longer yours. It doesn’t mean I’m a robot. It doesn’t make me emotionless.
If you cut me, I’ll bleed just like anyone else.
The only thing it means is I don’t experience sexual attraction.
Someone called me ‘incapable of love’. I don’t think they know how much that hurts. I just wish it didn’t match up with my own thoughts.
I’m asexual and my husband is a polyamorous pansexual. We’re trying an open marriage, since I’m not able to provide a lot of what he needs in terms of the intimacy of the relationship. He just asked his best friend (another girl) to date him, and she said yes. While I agreed to the open marriage, frankly I’m scared out of my wits. He says I’ll always come first, and I believe that, but that’s still not going to stop me from getting jealous. I also feel that I’m the only one not gaining something out of this entire thing: the two of them gain something, yet what good comes out of it for me? That’s probably selfish of me to say, but I’m just really scared and unsure. I just wish that I alone was enough for him, and that bringing someone else in wasn’t necessary.